Having a Choice
by JaneMarie23
Summary: Renesemee is coming back from college to visit the family, bring with her news that might break vital ties that have been around since her birth. Read & Review Thanks!
1. Chapter 1

Renessme's Story

I drove as fast I could home, home was a different place now, and it made me miss Forks now more than ever. It should've taken me twelve hours to get there, but with the new car my dad got me for Christmas this year, I was able to make it there in half the time. I drove with less caution than I should've down the icy drive. I was just glad to get away from Jacob and was really excited to see my family without him being permanently attached to my hip.

As I pulled into the drive to the house, I began to get nervous; I needed to put the nightmarish thoughts in the back of my mind so that my father wouldn't be able to see what was bothering me. I also had to hide my emotions that were plain to see on my face from my overly observant mother.

As the engine died, I could hear the music coming from the house, my father was playing my lullaby, he knew I was home, but than again he knew everything. I had been away at college now for three years, and I just graduated early, which didn't surprise any of my family. They had missed my graduation because it was in Houston Texas; it was way too sunny for them there.

I was just about to open the big white double doors, when they suddenly opened before me and my mother had me in her arms before I could even say anything. "I've missed you so much Renessmie. Oh how I've missed you." If she could've cried I know she would have. As she let me go, I smiled up at her and the music stopped playing in an instant and my father had me in his arms now. "How did you like your present?" He smiled down at me and I couldn't help but put my hands on his face to let him know how the car handled. "I'm glad you like it" he chuckled as he let me go, and I entered the house that wasn't all that familiar to me.

My parents now lived in Pennsylvania, one place I never thought they would be because of the sunlight, but during the summer months they travel a lot. It was hard for them when I finally decided to go off to college, and it was even harder for them when Jacob came with me. But, I couldn't think about him right now, couldn't risk my father finding out what happened between us.

My father zoomed out the door to get the bags that I had left out in the car, and my mother led me inside. "I'm sorry sweetie, I told them not to do this."

"Do what?" before she could answer my question she walked me to the back of the house and opened the doors to the back yard. "SURPRISE!" every one of my family members shouted at me from every direction. There were balloons everywhere with the words "Congratulations" written on them, and flowers scattered everywhere in my parent's large back yard. Alice was smiling ear to ear as she approached me. No doubt it was her idea to throw me a coming home party. I didn't mind parties as much as my mother did, but it still felt like a little too much when Alice threw a party.

Behind my Uncle Emmett was a huge table full of silver wrapped presents, like the car wasn't a good enough present. I was used to this now though, my father gave me anything I really wanted, and when it came to clothes Alice and Rosalie bought me everything, and by everything I mean everything. I had an outfit for every day for the next five years.

"Wow, you guys really didn't have to" was all I could say, as I blushed a little.

"Welcome home sweetie", my grandmother Esme wrapped me in her arms and kissed my forehead, with grandpa Carlisle standing beside her. I was happy to see that everyone that I loved was there. My father was back as my side and led me to a long picnic table covered in a silk table cloth; we sat down while everyone gathered around us. "So how's our college graduate doing? How are you liking school?" My uncle Jasper was at my shoulder obviously noticing my happiness, but also the tension I felt from keeping my mind from wondering. He probably thought it was from getting to see everyone again.

"School was great I guess it's just that I feel a little different than everyone else." I said sheepishly. "Well you are different dear." Rosalie spoke up.

"I know", I looked down. "It's just that I feel like they look at me strange because I don't have a hard time grasping the information, I don't have enough school work to keep myself busy".

"Well good thing Jacob was with you down there to keep you company than" my mother stated, trying to look at the bright side like usual. I looked down again, _don't think about him. _I told myself. My father moved from my mother's face to mine in an instant. "Is something wrong?" He whispered. _No, I'll be fine; I'll talk to you about it later. _I didn't want to start the conversation now in front of everyone. Out of everyone in my family I didn't want my mother to know about what happened between Jacob and I. She loved him like he was part of the family, and I didn't want to hurt her feelings. My father would be the best person to talk to, even if it meant him running to Texas and ripping a werewolf's throat out. He glanced at me again with weary eyes.

We sat around talking about hunting trips that Emmett and Jasper had taken, shopping trips Alice and Rosalie had taken, and what subjects I liked and hated at school. Finally it was getting late and I started to yawn. "I'm sorry sweetie, we always forget that you need to sleep, I'll show you to your room" My mom stood up and started for the door, but my dad was right beside her. "I can show her Bells, you can go hunting with Alice and Rose, and I know you haven't been out of for awhile."

I saw her give him a glance that was filled with confusion and than turned to me, "I'll see you in the morning sweetie" she kissed my cheek and ran towards the woods. My father Edward and I walked to the staircase in silence, surely waiting for everyone to be out of ear shot. We walked at a human pace up to a green door, he opened it for me. Inside everything was very bright, the walls were yellow, a lime green bed spread laid on top of a king size mattress. Dozens of feather pillows scattered the bed, and there was another large door beside the bed, leading to a closet I was sure of it. My suitcases were already sitting by the foot of the large bed.

"Dad..." I trailed off not sure how to start.

"You can tell me anything Nessie." He said obviously knowing that I wasn't happy and he did everything in his power to make me happy.

"I want to show you something, but you have to promise not to do anything harsh." I walked slowly to the bed and held my hands out for him. He knelt beside me, "I promise" was all he said before he laid his cheek into one of my hands. The nightmarish memory came blazing into my mind. _No, Jacob, Don't! No of course I love you, but No! I can't do that. I have my reasons. I don't care how long it's been for us! No! Get your hands off of me. _The memory faded with my endless sobs as Jacob stormed from the room.

My hands fell to the bed, I was crying again. I hated thinking about that day, and of all people to share that memory with but my father. I was embarrassed, and scared.

He took his hand to my chin and lifted my face so that my eyes met his. "I'm sorry you had to go through that, but I'm proud of you Nessie. That mutt better not show his face around here or I'll ripe it off." I could tell he was angry and I didn't expect any different. But I was surprised when he said he was proud of me. "You're proud?" tears still streaked my face, and he gently brushed them away.

"Yes, you stood up for yourself, you didn't let him take advantage of you, I wish you wouldn't done some damage to him, but other than that…" He trailed off obviously trying to not think of it anymore than I had to. "Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Do I get a choice with all this imprinting stuff? I mean it's just so unfair that from the moment I was conceived I have been around a person that was "meant" to be my soul mate. I love Jacob, but not the way he loves me dad." I couldn't look him in the face as I spoke.

"Ness, you have a choice, even if Jacob makes you think you don't. You can always say no to him, you don't have to do anything you don't want to." I wasn't sure if he was talking about a lifetime of Jacob as my soul mate or just sex.

"Dad, it's not just intimately," I managed to choke the words from my throat. "It's everything; I'm not in love with Jacob Black!" I couldn't help but notice a sign of relief printed on his face. "This is just going to kill him!" I jumped off the bed, and paced the floor. I didn't have to explain my thoughts; I knew my father would be reading them.

_My own mother tried to let Jacob down in the past, but was always drawn back to feeling sorry for him and allowing him to hope. That wasn't going to be me this time. No! I was going to stand up to Jacob Black, and let him know that I wasn't going to spend the rest of eternity with him. I had to be harsh or he would just come running back, trying again and again. _

"I think you might want to talk to your mother about all this." My father finally stopped my pacing by putting his hands on my shoulders. "I know it will be hard for her to watch him lose you, but it would be even harder for her to watch you make the mistake she almost did make." He hugged me and than left me to my room. As bright as the colors were I felt like I was left in the dark, unsure how my life got so black.


	2. Chapter 2

PART 2

That night was not restful; I tossed and turned as the images in my mind changed. I woke up suddenly shooting straight up to a sitting position on my bed. One of my hands dropped to my side. My mother sat beside the bed, her face worn. How much had she seen?

"Mom!" It came out as a shout, because of the shock that coursed through my veins.

"I'm sorry," She lowered her head, barely phased by my yelling. "It's just… I always loved watching you dream when you were little, and… I miss it…"she trailed off now she shook her head from side to side, probably regretting having watched my nightmares.

"Its okay" I patted her hand now to reassure her I wasn't mad. "I was a little shocked is all." I was hoping that this conversation could wait, but I guess I have been putting it off for too long now.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She said still staring into my face now with a pain that was greater than the memory I had of her after she had given birth to me. "I was afraid, I know how much you love Jacob mom, and I didn't want to hurt you."

"But he hurt you; tell me exactly what happened Ness, Your dream wasn't very clear."

I trusted her, and I was relieved now that she hadn't seen everything that had happened, but that sense of peace quickly faded knowing that I had to show her now so that she completely understood.

I slowly raised my hand to her face.

***

I slowly opened the door to the apartment Jacob and I shared in Houston, he followed me in like any other day, but his face held an emotion that I wasn't quite familiar with. As we walked across the living room he grabbed my arm. As I twirled around to face him, the grip he had tightened. Quickly his lips pressed firmly to mine, his other hand was behind my head now holding to my long ringlets that flowed down my back. I kissed him back but with much less passion. He slid his hand that was once on my arm to my hip, slowly moving upwards under my loose blue blouse. Before his hands met there destination I managed to break free from the kiss, "No!" This seemed to spur him on; he pushed me with a little too much force onto the couch behind me. "Jacob, don't" I plead, with him on top of me now, breathing heavy in my ear. "I love you Ness, don't you love me?" it came out with a tension that must have obviously been building for awhile.

"No, of course I love you..." he started to travel lower in his second attempt, starting to unbuckle the black leather belt that surrounded my waist. "But No! I can't do that!" I was yelling now, beginning to crawl farther back on the brown cushions.

He stayed where he was, "Why?" He stared at me with anger in his eyes, his hands beginning to shake violently.

"I have my reasons." was all I could manage to say, frightened that he would morph in front of me from the rage. "You're in college Ness; you have a steady boyfriend that has stuck by you now for years…" He trailed off in what seemed to be a pleading manner.

"I don't care how long it's been for us!" I couldn't help yelling again from him trying to guilt trip me into something I wasn't ready for, and I wasn't fully sure I would ever be ready for it. "Can't we at least try?" He was beginning to move closer to me now, his hands on my knees working slowly up the length of my legs.

"No! Get your hands off of me." I jumped out of the embrace he had on my legs and curled my arms across my chest. I had jumped the length of the room and stared at the floor. He slowly stood staring at me with glazed eyes, but they burned with anger that should've scared me. But that wasn't what frightened me. What scared me the most were his shaking legs and shoulders. The tremors were getting worse. Without another word exchanging between the two of us, he ran out the front door, slamming it behind him leaving cracks in the wood grain. Tears began pouring from my eyes and I slumped to the cold marble floor, putting my head in my hands.

***

As I dropped my hand from her face, I saw my mother's face go from a blank stare to absolutely furious. She pulled her lips back and snarled, like she would have if someone were trying to attack her or her family. This was the response I thought my dad would've made, not my mother. She began pacing the floor like I had the night before, and I desperately wanted my father's gift of reading minds, but on second thought that wouldn't help me in this instance.

"Where is he?" she asked under her breath, I wasn't even sure if I should answer the question. "Houston", it came out in a whisper.

"Emmett! Rose! Alice!" She yelled, even though she didn't have to with my family's keen hearing. All of them were in my room in a matter of seconds, including my father who automatically flew to my mother's side. "Let's not over react", my father was rubbing my mother's arm to calm her, but it seemed to not do anything to her mood.

He knew what she was so furious about, and seemed as shocked as I was to her reaction.

"What's going on?" Emmett asked from the door.

"We're going on a hunting trip" she snarled through her lips.

"We were just out last night Bells, do we really need to go again?" Alice asked all humor was gone in her tone, she tried to concentrate on what might be going on, but her vision of Jacob and I were almost impossible for her to see.

I just sat on the edge of my bed as I heard the conversation about what happened to me come through my mother's lips to everyone present. In a way I was glad I didn't have to show everyone, but the way my mother explain it, made it sound like Jacob should be murdered for even trying.

"Mom…" I finally broke through the knot in my throat.

Everyone looked at me now, "I don't think hurting Jacob physically is going to help anything. I don't want to see him get hurt, I do love him. But, I don't love him the way he loves me. I think I should talk to him, and I should do it alone."

"That mongrel deserves much worse than being talked to Ness", my aunt rose was now by my side. My mother had told me about her history, about how she turned. It didn't surprise me now that she would react this way, especially not with Jacob being the one who hurt me.

"He didn't hurt me physically, and I don't think it would be fair…" I trailed off trying to get my point across to the angry vampires before me. The only one who held anything less than a blood thirsty vengeance against Jacob was my father.

"Dad, I have to talk to him."

"She's right. But Ness, at least let one of us come with you so that if things get out of hand, if he looses his temper, you aren't in too much danger." By the sound of his voice it sounded like he wanted to be the one with me. By the looks in everyone's eyes I knew they wanted to be the one to protect me as well. But I knew my father would be the most civil, the most willing to let me stand up to Jacob Black without any interference.

"Okay, Dad you can come with me." I looked at my mother and saw a little disappointment on her face. "Mom, it would help to have dad there because he can read Jacob's thoughts, if he even thinks about hurting me, he would be able to stop him before his muscles got the message from his brain." I was right, and she knew it. Her face slowly went back to being calm.

"We'll leave tomorrow than Ness, no need putting it off. Let's just enjoy today first". My dad put his hand on my shoulder and we slowly left my bright bed room. The rest of the family would want to know what was going on, but I didn't want to listen to the story for a fourth time. I would go out with my mother hunting; maybe it would help her get some frustrations out of her system, and maybe being out in the woods would help me loosen the nervous pit that was now my stomach.


	3. Chapter 3

Renesemee: Having A Choice

Part 3

The following morning seemed to come too soon, and when I woke up early in the cold morning, I could still feel the hazy tension from under my heavy comforter. When I walked downstairs, I could smell something coming from the kitchen. My mother never tried to cook for me unless she needed something to keep her mind busy, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised.

I glanced around the corner of the large swinging door to a complete disaster zone. Normally the food my mother made was amazing from all the times she cooked for my grandpa Charlie, but today she had pancake batter on the ceiling. Something smelled like it was burning on the stove, while my mother had her slender body bent over a cutting board on the opposite marble counter. I didn't understand why she was going through such trouble when we went hunting the night before. I preferred animal blood to human food, but I had forced myself into eating human food down in Texas.

"Need some help?" I offered. I needed her to forgive me for choosing my dad to come with me. I knew it must've upset her, but she had to know that it was for the best. Not only was it good because my father could read Jacob's mind, but I didn't want to see my mother lash out at Jacob, she would regret it later. I was just saving her from repeating history.

"No…" she trailed off whipping something furiously causing what seemed to be eggs to spill over the brim of the mixing bowl. "I'll be okay…I just need…" she sighed, "Why don't you go help your father pack up the car?" She was trying to get me to leave her alone, and that was strange, she always wanted me around. I knew that she was upset but I didn't realize how far it traveled in her until this moment.

"Mom…" She kept working, but at a slower pace now. "I'm really sorry…" I waited, I wasn't sure how to express to her that the only reason I didn't want her there was because I was looking out for her. Ironically enough she used to tell me stories about how she used to play the mother figure in her relationship with my grandma. I never thought that someday I would be like her and take the responsible road. I was looking out for her feelings, just like she in so many ways did for Renee in the past.

She turned to me now, her face covered in flour and hair in every direction. "Don't be sorry," she spoke to me calmly. "I'm not mad at you, I'm only nervous…" She walked over to me and gave me a hug. As she embraced me, a huge weight felt like it had been lifted, I didn't have to feel guilty for picking one parent over the other. "Don't worry mom, everything will be fine. I'm just going to be honest. If Jacob can't handle the truth of the matter, than that's his problem." This came out in a matter of fact tone. I was taken aback by how casual it came out.

I looked up into my mother's golden gazed eyes and she nodded once. She knew I had made up my mind, and there was no changing it now, I also got that trait from her.

"I'll be fine… and Dad will be home before you know it." I tried to say this with more enthusiasm so she would have a glimmer of hope that everything would be all right.

"I know nothing will happen to you or your father… I'm worried about what Jacob might do, not to you, but himself." She looked me straight in the eyes now, and normally it would have been comfortable, but the message she was trying so desperately for me to understand, made the glare unnerving. "I've told you stories about things that had happened between Jacob and I in the past, but did I ever tell you about how he disappeared for months, and the only way we knew he was still alive was because of the pack?"

I shook my head; no she had never told me that story. She always told me the happy stories the ones with her and Jacob hanging out in his make shift garage. "I won't go into the details for you, but he stayed in wolf form, he let all of his instincts power him. I'm afraid that if he does that again, he will never morph back to being human ever again."

I had to swallow hard; something was stuck in my throat. Would I be responsible for Jacob never seeing his family and friends again? And I loved Jacob, but as my companion not my lover, how was I going to handle never seeing him again?

Just than the door to the kitchen flew open, "You almost ready sweetie, I have the car all packed." My father was looking at me and than adjusted his eyes on my mother.

"Bells, you can't still feel bad about the things that happened to Jacob, they were his choices. He knew the risks involved and he still took them, it's not your fault his heart has broken in the past, and it's not your fault now if it happens again." He approached her slowly, and gave her a soft hug. He than pulled away from her slowly and kissed her forehead. "We'll be back before you know it." He turned his heels and left the room before my mother could argue at all. She just stared after him, still feeling guilty even after all these years.

I walked over to my mother now, "Mom?" I waved my hand in front of her face. "Huh?"

She was in a daze, and I figured it was best that I wake her up from it. "I'm going to miss you." I kissed her cheek, gave her a hug, and than jumped to the door. I turned my head around, "You know mom, dad's right, and it's not your fault. You don't have to feel guilty." And with that I jolted from the door, I knew she probably wouldn't have responded anyway. She was thinking over a lot of the past and the future.

I ran to the car that was already started with the passenger side door open.

I was excited to get some alone time with my father, it rarely ever happened. And I quickly remembered another good reason why I was glad it was my father instead of my mother going, the driver. My father drove like I did, fast… faster than any reasonable person would drive. I loved my mother dearly, but she drove me insane having to drive at a snail like pace.

Once we hit the interstate, I began to worry. How was I going to find the words to say what I wanted to? And how was I going to do it without hurting his feelings worse than what they already were going to be?

"You'll figure something out," he patted my knee. My father always had a way of making me feel better, even without my uncle Jasper's presence. My thoughts began to trail towards my mother, and how all of this must be so hard for her.

"Your mother feels guilty in more than one way Ness", my father looked over at me with concern in his eyes. I knew he was concerned with what we were about to go encounter and how I would handle it, but also concern for my mother. He hated having to watch the pain that she felt.

"I don't understand". What else could my mother possibly feel guilty about?

"You see, and I'm not sure if I should even tell you this, but I suppose you need to be told in order to understand the way your mother is reacting." He kept his eyes intently on the road ahead. "Jacob told your mother to not have a "normal" honeymoon with me that it was wrong of us to think we could actually do something like that without me hurting her. And I tried talking some sense into your mother, but that was the only thing she wanted to experience before she became a true member of the family. You see she feels guilty because she was the one who broke Jacob's heart in the beginning and now her only child, the child he so desperately didn't want her to have, the child he imprinted on, is about to break his heart again. Your mother loves you more than anything Ness, but a part of her feels guilty because the product of our love, the love that kept her from Jacob, is rejecting his love now too." He stayed silent, waiting for all of what he said to sink in.

So my mother felt guilty because his heart was breaking again, and that it was her daughter that was doing it. This had nothing to do with my mother, but everything at the same time. If it weren't for my mother's teenage hormones I wouldn't have been conceived in the first place and Jacob wouldn't be about to be hurt for a second time. But, this was my decision, and she knows it's the only right thing to do. I can't live a lie for the rest of my existence.

"She never regrets having you sweetie; she gave her human life to have you. It's a shock for her. We know little about how imprinting works and this is the first time that someone hasn't chosen the same person back. We always figured that it was a done deal the moment he laid his eyes on you."

I sighed, I had a lot to think about and the way my father drove gave me little time to think it through. I wanted to think about what I was going to say to Jacob, how I was going to let him down slowly and as politely as possible. I wanted to think about what I would do if he over reacted. But, all I could think about was whether or not I was wrong, that imprinting had some magical bind that I had to stick with. Was I was bond to Jacob and no one else forever? This was complicated, and I knew one way or another I had to come face to face with Jacob Black and hope that I didn't come face to face with a werewolf.


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

We pulled onto the street that was very familiar to me; it was just starting to get dark. I had slept most of the ride down, but it didn't seem to bother my father. I had wasted the time I had to think about what I was going to say by sleeping, that was stupid. But, it was nice to have some peace from the real life nightmare I was living.

My father parked the shiny black car right in front of my apartment building. Lights lay across the blacktop from almost every window, but it was quiet, too quiet. As he killed the engine he took my hand, "I'm not going to go inside unless I know theirs danger, if he gets out of control get as far away as possible from him." I already knew that, I had done it so many times in the past when we had fights, just in case. The brow to my father's forehead creased, he didn't want to know all the times it had been a "close call". I quickly tried to not think about it. Instead my focus was now getting the strength to get out of the car. My legs were shaky from the nerves, but I was able to make it out of the car and across the brightly lit street to the entry way.

As we walked down the hall, my father stayed four feet behind me. As I approached the door, I looked at him. _Is he in there? _

"Yes," he whispered it to me and than leaned his back against the opposite wall. He closed his eyes and was now reading each thought that not only passed through Jacob's mind but also mine. I fumbled for the keys in my pocket, and my hands were now trembling so bad I was barely able to get the key in the doorknob. As I turned the knob, I paused for a moment to catch my breath than slowly pushed the door open.

"Ness! Where have you been? You didn't tell me where you were going, I was about to come up to your folks place but I figured I wasn't welcome there at the moment. I'm sure you showed them everything that happened and I figured I'd give them time to cool down before seeing them again." Jacob approached me with relief in his voice. He took me coming back as forgiveness. I wasn't sure how to respond or if I could at all.

"I'll tell you what though, you smell Ness. You think I would be used to it by now, but you smell like a house full of vampires." He crinkled his nose in the air, and stepped back a couple inches. "Well the whole family was there, they threw me a party, and it was really nice to see everyone. I missed them a lot." I don't know why I was explaining this to him; he could smell every scent that was on me. "And no Jacob, they aren't very happy with you…" I trailed off I was angry again, angry that he was playing it off like nothing had happened. "And… and neither am I."

His face went from being pleased to see me to seer sadness. "I'm sorry, really Ness I am. If I could go back I wouldn't have tried." A part of me wanted to forgive him right there and go back to us just hanging out and being best friends. But another part of me knew that that would never be enough for Jacob and what had happened would take place again.

"Jacob, we need to talk…" It was too hard finding the words to say, lost in a pool of other words that I knew would crush him.

"I thought that was what we were doing Ness" He gave me a half smile, and it made it worse for me to say what I really want to.

"We need to talk about us Jacob, not just about what happened between us." His expression froze, I'm sure he could see what I was trying so desperately to get at.

"I'm not…I don't think…I love you the way you love me Jacob." I hung my head, I didn't want to see his face, I didn't want to see the hurt I had just put on it. I felt like a monster the moment it came out from my lips, but I couldn't hide the truth from him anymore. It was silent, for what seemed like forever. I forced myself to look up.

The expression on his face was blank, like I had sucked the life from it. His eyes didn't glisten like they normally did; his large wide grin looked like it would never come back.

"You don't love me?" it barely came out as a whisper.

I stepped forward, I wanted to console him. "I love you Jacob, really I do. But you are my best friend, my companion." I wanted to beg for him to see things the way I did.

Another long pause, and his expression changed from emptiness to malice.

"I've heard that once before Ness, it's amazing how much you and your mother are so much alike. Did you run off and fall in love with a bloodsucker? Is he as sweet and kind as your father?" the acid of his words hit me hard.

"No! I didn't run off and fall in love with someone else! I'm not IN love with anyone. And I'm not exactly like my mother." For some odd reason I felt like I had to defend myself. I knew his experience with my mother in the past left a dent in his heart that never fully went away, but now it must be hurting.

"On the contrary Ness, you are exactly like your mother. She was happy with me. When your father abandoned her, she came running to me for support and started to love me. She denied her feelings just like you do." The volume of his voice was getting louder and his hands began quivering slightly.

"I'm not denying anything Jacob; I'm trying to do what's best and tell you the truth. And my mother always loved my father. There is no one else in the world that would make her half as happy as my father makes her."

"And look at the price it cost her…"

"She didn't give her human life up for my father; she gave it up for me Jacob!" I was angry now, and I felt like my hands would start shaking at any moment.

"This isn't about them anyway, this is about what's right for us." I tried to calm myself to get back to matter at hand. I didn't want to be side tracked with the past.

"Oh, but they have everything to do with it Ness! They created you! They were sick enough to go against nature, mortal and immortal!" He shook his head from side to side now like he still couldn't believe it.

"If you think that what they did was right than why is it so hard for a hybrid and a werewolf to love one another physically? Is it repulsive for you Ness?" The trembling in his hands spread to his forearms. I backed up a few inches, and I pictured my father bursting through the door at any moment.

"It's not that I don't think its right Jacob! It's just that the feelings aren't there! People need to be in love to experience that kind of relationship, and I'm not in love with you Jacob, and … I never will be!" I shouted it at him, like the point I was trying to make would sink in faster if the volume of the words were elevated.

"Here I thought you were different Ness, the moment I imprinted on you I thought that it was strange. I hated vampires because they were against nature, they are the reason I am what I am. And how could I fall in love with someone who was half leech? I wanted to kill you, I wanted nothing more than avenge Bella because I thought she was dead." Jacob's entire frame was shuddering, and as I backed away from him my back finally hit the wall behind me. At that moment the door flew open, "You need to calm down, Jacob I know you don't want to hurt her." I was grateful in an instant that my father was standing next to me now, but it was a huge mistake at the same time. Seeing Edward Cullen was the last thing that would cool Jacob down. I had made a horrible mistake, having my mother here would have calmed Jacob, not the person he in so many ways pictured slaughtering.

Jacob's shaking became worse, and he laughed, but it came out almost wicked. "No, your right, I don't want to hurt her, but you on the other hand." His posture changed from straight backed to a crouch. "NO! Jacob! Please!" I stood frozen in horror. "Ness, get out of here!" My father was not going to let me see whatever was going to happen between them, and at this point it was inevitable, Jacob was going to morph. I ran out into the hallway, my heart was racing as fast as my mind. Suddenly I heard the tear of fabric and a terrible growl that shook my ear drums.


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

The sound of the anger and pain was clear in noise that exuberated down the hall. I wanted to run back to the doorway, but I was scared. No one had ever told me that whenever I was first born, Jacob wanted me…dead. Not even Alice (if she could see werewolves) could have predicted that this would've happened though. But, imprinted on each other or not, accidents did happen.

I hesitated, listening hard to something that might give me the strength to be fearless enough or brainless enough to run back into the room. "No, I'm only protecting her," my father's voice was blunt, "I don't want her to see you or I like this."

What could I honestly be seeing that could be worse than what I was picturing in my mind?

"I'm no hero, if I were smarter though I would've told you to stay away from her in the beginning. I knew that you were no good for her Jacob, but I let her choose her own path. The road she chose with you has come to a cross roads, and she's picked which way to go, you need to accept that." A low growl sounded like it came between clenched jaws. I gradually approached the entrance. I wanted to sneak a glance to make sure, for my own sanity, that they were both still okay. As I peered around the corner, I saw the huge copper brown wolf going in circles with my father at the opposite end of the round figuration. My father was moving right along with Jacob's movements, it made it look like they were dancing. Both of them were eyeing each other, waiting for the first one to stop what they were thinking and attack.

I pulled my head back, this was the first time I had ever seen my father as the true vampire he was. He had an enormous advantage of being able to read Jacob's mind, but I couldn't stand the thought of him risking his life for me.

"You really do have a hard time accepting what other people think, don't you?" His voice came out as a hiss. Why was my father egging Jacob on like that? What could Jacob possibly be thinking that would make my father's rage soar like that?

I had to stop this from going any farther; if a drop of blood was shed I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I slowly came within reach of the doorway again when all of a sudden a pair of freezing hands pulled me back by the shoulders. I turned around quickly, and was bewildered to see my mother's wary face staring down on me. I was speechless. Why would she put herself in harms way? It was bad enough my father was risking his life to protect me, now I had to worry about my mother!

"Mom, don't." I tried to stop her as she made her way through the entry, but my hands slid through the fabric of her sweater as she tugged herself free.

"Jacob, Edward, this has to end right now." Both figures froze as she entered farther into the room. She finally took her place beside my father. She looked up at him with pleading eyes, "Please go, take Ness back home. I'll talk to Jacob."

"If you think I'm going to leave you here to deal with this mutt yourself…" She put her hand over his mouth to silence his rant, while a low growl came from the throat of a large horse sized animal. "Please, I'll be home sooner than you think." She gave him a half smile, and his expression sunk. He kissed the top of her wavy brown hair. He gazed into her eyes and it seemed like he was trying to read whatever it was she was thinking. Quickly he darted out into the hallway. He caught me up in his arms. Before I had time to respond or argue we were exiting the building. "What are you doing? Why are we leaving? What about mom?" I barely had enough breath to finish the last question when

he opened the car down and softly dropped me into the passenger seat. Before I could open the car door and run back, the engine was already running and the car was in motion. "What's going on?" I finally shouted at him.

"You were right before, I wasn't the best person to bring with you. Your mother could always talk to Jacob." His grip on the steering wheel was tight, and I could tell he wasn't any more pleased with leaving my mother to deal with Jacob than I was. "I know you're worried about her Ness, but she has always had a way of handling Jacob. Even better than you do." His reassurance didn't help the tangled twists in my stomach.

Suddenly a million images raced through my mind of the encounter my mother and Jacob would have. How could my father trust to leave his wife, immortal or not, with an angry werewolf? Jacob still had bitter feelings about what had happened between them. I pulled my head into my hands and thought about what a mess I had made. This was my problem, and I had put the people I loved most in this world in danger because of it.

How would I be able to live another day, if I knew that it was my fault Jacob or my mother got hurt?


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

We arrived home early in the morning hours. As the car came to a complete stop my father was quickly at my side. As I pulled myself out of the car he wrapped his right arm around my shoulder and walked me into the house. He could read all the concerns and worries that plagued my mind. He allowed me no reassurance that everything would be okay. I wasn't sure if it was because he wasn't sure himself, or if he knew it would do no good anyway. I was surprised to see that the whole family was sitting together in the living room. Alice rose from her seat next to Jasper, "I'm so sorry Edward. We tried to tell her not to go…" My father just nodded his head. He knew that once my mother made up her mind, that there was little they could've done to stop her. But Alice went on, "I told her that I wouldn't be able to see her with Jacob so close, and she left before you even got to the apartment."

I knew that my mother was going to be anxious not knowing what had happened until we were no longer around Jacob. But I never thought she would follow us and confront Jacob herself. The family relied on Alice a lot to see what was going to happen, but her visions were blurred with Jacob in the picture. Alice couldn't see me clearly either and that fact complicated things as well. "You will let us know when she's on her way back; you'll be able to see that right Alice?" The tone of my voice sounded like a child's. Every face was directed at mine, they saw the pain twisted on my face. She placed her palm to my cheek, and with concern for me in her eyes nodded her head. She looked at her brother now, and they were communicating some message that no one could hear.

She took my hand, "let's get you cleaned up, you are probably exhausted." She led me up the stairs before I could object to it. I didn't realize how tired I really was until she had mentioned it. My eye lids were heavy, but they weren't as heavy as the thoughts that still weighed down my spirits. How could I possibly think that everything would be okay? How was my mother going to calm Jacob down, and even if she could how was she going to do it without hurting him more than he already was?

But the concern that filled the house was not of my mother's impending doom with a werewolf, if was about how I was. This bothered me; I was already upset that my father would just leave my mother to deal with my problems, that he would leave her somewhere where it wasn't safe.

Alice sat me on my lime green comforter, and kneeled down in front of me. "I know it must be hard for you not knowing what is going on, and I'm sorry that I can't give you the answers to the questions I'm sure you have." She wasn't looking at me; her gaze was on the floor as she spoke. It was hard for her not knowing as well and I'm sure that she wasn't just talking about the questions that I had but also the one's my father had. There was one question I had, that didn't pertain to the future, but the very recent past. "I do have one question, but I'm not sure if you'll be able to answer it for me." I spoke softly; I didn't want the whole house to hear.

"You can ask me anything, you know that." The curiosity was strong in her words. I swallowed hard to hide the emotions that boiled inside me.

"Why did he leave her?" I didn't mean it to, but it came out as a whimper. I knew that my father could hear what I just said in my thoughts, but I couldn't ask him. I was afraid he would give me all the wrong reasons, instead of the real rationale.

Alice's face scrunched in thought, she narrowed her eyes in concentration. "Hmmm" She paused and sighed. "You know I can't answer that for you, there is only one person that would know that."

"I guess I knew that, but I'm afraid he won't be honest with me."

"Ask him to be honest, and he will be." She sounded very confident that her brother would be truthful. "Thanks Alice," I was very grateful for her, she would be looking out for me in more than one way today. Suddenly, the bedroom door creaked open and a face peered in, "You want to ask me something…"

I looked at my father, nodded and than looked at Alice. She patted my knee and galloped out of the room. I thought I saw a glare exchanged between the two as my father entered the room and Alice departed. He gently sat down beside me on the bed. "You already know my question." My tone was slightly rude, but it didn't seem to bother him.

"I will be honest with you, I know you are afraid I'm going to fabricate a reason to protect you, but I won't do that." He looked at me now and I could see the honestly written in his deep black pupils.

"I left your mother there because I knew of there history, and I know we have told you many stories about the past. But you need to understand that Jacob loved your mother, probably as much as I love her. I knew he could never hurt her and even if he did loose his temper with her," He cringed at the thought. "She is less breakable than you are, you can still get hurt. You are only half immortal Ness. Your heart still beats, and your mother and I would like to keep it that way."

_I could've left, and you could've stayed with her. _

"Jacob isn't my biggest fan…" He quickly explained. I understood now. It would've been easier for my mother to accomplish her task of calming Jacob without my father's presence. He had a way of bring out the worst in Jacob. It was all unintentional of course; it was just because of what my father was and what he had done to my mother.

As he read my thoughts that were now coming together, he went on to explain. "He still pictures what Bella's life would be like if I was never in the picture. It makes him feel guilty because I'm your father, and without me there would be no you. But he still wishes she were human and they could've had a life together."

I sat in silence trying to absorb the information from Jacob's thoughts. Had Jacob only imprinted on me because I reminded him of my mother? Of course you can't choose who to imprint on, but subconsciously maybe, just maybe that might be the reason. I was concentrating so hard on these thoughts that it made me jump when Alice entered the room a little too quickly.

"Sorry to interrupt." Her face was blank and that made my stomach squirm. "She's on her way back…" The tight ball in my stomach relaxed with the release of her words. Relief spread across my father's face. I got up and hugged Alice, "Thank you" I whispered into her chest. She hugged me back and kissed the top of my head. "When will she be home?" my father asked still positioned the same way on my bed. "Around 3pm" She said releasing me. "Well than you better get some sleep, you don't want to be unconscious when she gets here." My father got up off of my bed and gestured for me to lie down.

I curled up under the covers without any objection. I didn't even bother changing my clothes. My father kissed my forehead, "I'll wake you up around 1" and with that he and Alice left me to my thoughts.

I couldn't wait to see my mother and know without a doubt that she was okay. But, I was dreading what might come from her lips. There was still a whole other worry that lingered in my thoughts, Jacob.


	7. Chapter 7

I did not sleep well, tossing and turning until my comforter covered me like a cocoon. I didn't open my eyes until a cold hand grazed my forehead. "It's 1 o'clock, you still have a little time, if you want to sleep more." The soft velvet voice of my father slowly woke me completely. "No, I'm getting up." I said untangling myself from my confines. I was still tired, but I wasn't going to be able to get the rest I needed until I saw her and heard what happened.

"I see a lot of her in you." My father said slowly playing with a ringlet of my hair as I sat up. "I have some of you in me too," I stated defensively.

"Only the good traits I hope." He said laughing afterwards. I smiled up at him. I never got the chance to thank him for going down to Texas with me, because I had been so angry with him for leaving my mother with Jacob.

He took my hand, "You're welcome, anytime." With that he got up and left me to get ready. I walked across the large room, and glanced in the full length mirror next to the closet door. I looked terrible, and I sighed glancing at the clock. I still had a while before my mother was expected home. I decided I would jump in the shower and try and look as presentable as possible. My mother would be worried about me if I was still wearing the same clothes she last saw me in, and my hair was a tangled mess.

I took longer than necessary under the hot water, hoping that my tension would wash down the drain. After changing clothes and brushing through my matted curls I walked right past the full length mirror and made my way downstairs.

"Did you get enough sleep?" Alice beamed up at me from the tan sofa. "Not really, but I'll survive…" I trailed off; I didn't want to ask her how much longer I had to wait.

"She'll be here within the hour Ness", sometimes you would think Alice could read minds just like my father could. "Thank you…" I didn't know what else to say. With that I walked into the kitchen where I found Emmett and Rosalie.

"Hey kid! You hungry?" My uncle Emmett was behind the large counter with what looked like a cook book in front of him. Rosalie was leaning on the counter beside him.

"I don't think I could eat anything right now." I suddenly felt my stomach flop. When was the last time I'd eaten anything? I wasn't even sure. But I wasn't going to be able to eat when I was as nervous as I was. "I know I'm no Emril, but I could try!" He protested, thinking that I didn't want to eat because of his cooking skills.

"Don't make her eat if she doesn't want to Hun, she's upset still." Rosalie defended me leaving her place at my uncle's side to stand in front of me. "She'll be home soon Ness." With that she hugged me and I heard a humph from behind her. Emmett closed the cook book a little too loudly and suddenly I couldn't breath. "Put us down!" Rosalie stormed and we both dropped to the ground. I laughed, and I haven't laughed in a long time.

But I suddenly went from laughing to crying. As the tears rolled down my face, I heard my father walk through the door. "What happened?" He asked sternly, I knew he wasn't asking me, but my aunt and uncle.

"I hugged them." Emmett said innocently. "I huge bear hug!" Rosalie clarified playfully punching Emmett in the shoulder. I began sobbing harder. "Ness! What's the matter?" My father sank to my side on the floor. I knew I wouldn't be able to make out the words so I raised my hand to his face. The memories of Jacob's hugs and the way he always made me laughed flashed from my mind to my fathers. I missed him, and I finally realized that I may never get a hug like that again or laugh the way I could with him. My hand fell to my lap as I heard the swinging door open. I didn't want to see every one of my family members hovering over me so I lowered my head refusing to look up. There was nothing they could do to make me feel better. Suddenly a cold hand slid under my chin and tilted my head up. Through my cloudy vision of tears I saw my mothers face starring back and me. "MOM! Oh Mom!" I threw myself into her arms and we sat on the linoleum floor with no one else around us.

"Shhh" she patted my hair and rocked me back and forth slowly like I was an infant.

"Calm down sweetie." She said softly. I was no longer crying, but my breathing was uneven. Finally I was able to pull myself together. She was okay, but I needed to compose myself so I could find out what happened.

"I wish I had your gift right now." She said pulling me to my feet. "It would make this a lot easier, because it's a long story Ness."

I plopped myself down on one of the stools and stared after her. I was ready to hear everything now that my mind was clear. I was also wishing she could show me everything, that way she wouldn't be able to leave anything out that might upset me.

"I'm not sure where to start." She said sitting beside me, but facing me so I could read her face. "Well after Edward let with you, Jacob and I were frozen neither of us spoke for a long time. I wanted this to happen. You see I was nervous when you said you wanted Edward to go, because Jacob never really liked him and that's saying it mildly. I was afraid he would get angry, and I guessed right. I wanted him to calm down, so I could talk to him as Jacob and not a wolf. I was really hoping I would catch him before he morphed, but with none of us saying anything he finally calmed down enough." I underestimated my mother. I thought of when I first told her what happened between Jacob and I and her livid emotions. She was able to calm herself down enough so that she could cool down Jacob as well.

"So it didn't really surprise me when Jacob left the living room and came back wearing another pair of sweats. He must really go through a lot of them. Anyway, I told him that I sent you away because I thought it would be safer. Of course Jacob thought it was ridiculous because he would never hurt you. I told him that I also thought it would be best that you weren't there because I didn't want you to be emotionally hurt more than you already were, and that took him by surprise. I told him how difficult it was for you to tell him that you didn't want to be with him anymore. I explained to him that I understood what you were going through because I had been where you were before." My mother's eyes looked like a tear might've fallen from them as she spoke.

"Jacob reacted just like I thought he would. He said that it didn't shock him, because you and I were so much alike. I think that is one of the reasons he imprinted on you, because he wanted so desperately to be with me, that when I had you, you were the next thing that came close to having me. I explained that he could still have you in his life if he wanted, but not the way he was planning." It astonished me that my mother would allow Jacob within three feet of me. "Why did you say that?"

"You don't want Jacob in your life?" She said confusion playing on her face with the words. "Yes I do, but I doubt he would still want to be around me. And I thought that you and dad wouldn't want him around me either." I explained quickly.

"Let me handle your dad." She said with a smile.

"What does this mean than?" I asked still confused, especially with her smile gleaming in my direction.

"Well when I told him that he could still be a part of your life, he looked at me with the same confused look you have. So I explained it to him the same way I'll explain it to you.

Jacob loved me, and yet he was still strong enough to be friends with me despite all the things I did that he didn't approve of. So, if he loved you the way he says he loves you; he will respect your wishes and want nothing more than friendship from you. Of course I told him that if that wasn't good enough than to never speak to you again, because I didn't want you to get hurt more than you already were."

My jaw dropped. How could she tell Jacob to never speak to me again? I felt like I was about to break down like I had earlier when suddenly she interrupted me. "Sweetie, no worries, I'm smiling for a reason. Jacob told me to give you this." In her hand was a piece of paper folded in half. She handed it to me, and the letter sat in my hand. I hesitated, just starring down at it hoping that whatever was inside would heal the hole in my heart. Finally I lifted the corners.

Ness,

I'm so sorry.

But I was hoping you would forgive me.

You may not love me the way that I love you

And after talking to your mom, I think that we can still be friends

If that is what you want

I might need a little time, but I can't picture my life without you in it, even if you are in it only as my best friend

You are important to me, and I don't want to loose you completely.

Jack

My hands shook, as I folded the letter back up and put it on the counter. My mother covered my hands with hers. "Not too many people get the chance of keeping someone this important in their lives Ness. He is being very strong by still wanting to be your friend." Suddenly with her words it sunk in. Because of her, I got to keep one of the most important people in my life. I got up swiftly wrapping my arms around her neck. "Thank you mom! I love you so much!" As I let go, I realized how she must be feeling. She had more of a difficult time keeping Jacob in her life, if it weren't for me being born, she probably wouldn't be friends with Jacob today. "He must love you too." I stated finally. Now she was the one with the confused expression. "And why do you say that?" She asked me finally. "Because…" I laughed. "Jacob is so tenacious, and he's a little softer with the people he loves." She laughed lightly and took me in her arms again.

"So do you want to go tell your father the good news?" She asked me quietly.

"No way! You said you would handle dad!" I reminded her quickly.

"Well at least I won't have to repeat the story because he was most likely listening to the whole conversation." And she smiled. I smiled back and laughed knowing that she knew my father so well.


	8. Chapter 8

We both walked out from the swinging doors of the kitchen into the living room. My father sat on one of the sofas, and everyone else seemed to have left. The expression on his face was difficult to read. It looked like he was concentrating on something a little too hard.

"Edward" My mother interrupted whatever thoughts were running through his mind. He looked up at her in confusion.

"Is this what you want?" At first I thought he was talking to me, but after a moment I noticed that his eyes were still fixed on my mother's face.

"It really doesn't matter what I want, as long as she's happy", and in that moment I knew how much my mother must love me, both of my parents actually.

They had the opportunity to take someone out of my life completely that ran the risk of harming me, but they didn't. They were more concerned with my emotional well being than my physical status.

My mother looked at me now, "You are grown up Ness, and I know that you can make your own decisions. If you want Jacob in your life then it's your choice, not ours. Just remember, give him time." With that she went over to my father and hugged him.

I decided I would let the two of them talk about me without my presence. It would probably make things easier.

I went back into the kitchen and gathered my note from Jacob off the counter and ran up to my room. I knew I needed to give Jacob time, but was that time without seeing me or time without hearing from me at all? I decided I would write to him, and let him know how happy I was that I could still be around him, that I was glad we could still be friends.

After finishing the letter I ran as fast as I could to the end of the drive and put it in the mailbox. I addressed it to our apartment, hoping that he would still be staying there.

I decided that I wouldn't try and contact Jacob again until I heard from him and he told me that he was ready to see me. I didn't want to make things harder then they were going to be already.

Time seemed to drag at a snail like pace as I waited for a response. Every morning I woke running downstairs hoping there would be a letter waiting for me on the coffee table. But every morning I only rummaged through catalogs and credit card applications.

The disappointed must've been apparent on my face one morning.

"Don't get discouraged honey, these things take time." My mother stood by the door, pain written on her face matching mine. She hated seeing me like this, no doubt because she understood exactly what I was going through.

Her expression quickly changed, probably in hopes that mine would mimic hers. "So, what do you want to do today? Alice was going to stop by and kidnap me for a shopping trip if you want to go." She was smiling even though I knew she hated being dressed like a Barbie doll by my aunt.

"No thanks mom, I think I'm going to go back to bed." And with that I turned and walked back up the staircase at a sluggish pace. I knew I should've heard from him by now. And every day that I didn't hear from Jacob Black my heart tore a little bit more. Thoughts ran through my mind questioning if he had changed his mind after all, that I wasn't worth keeping as a friend. I curled back into my bed and slowly soaked my pillow with the tears of hopes shattering slowly.


End file.
